Dear President Donald Trump,
I hear you need a new Nation Security Adviser — oh I meant Attorney General! You’re in luck! I would be a great Attorney General.
Actually, I really don’t know much about what Attorney General (much less Nation Security Adviser) does. I was a copywriter in advertising. But like you, I watch TV news and regular shows. I didn’t watch The Apprentice (sorry). However, I’ve never gotten fired from my real job, so that’s a plus don’t you think?
I didn’t vote for you, but unlike Michael Flynn and Jeff Sessions, I’ve never lied. Well, I once stole a candy bar when I was 9 years old. But someone saw what I did (it was my Dad) so I had to go back to the store and tell the manager what I did. She was mad at me, but she just warned me to never do it again. Thankfully, I’ve learned my lesson!
Anyway, let me know when I can start the job. Thanks!